Raising Daughters

Noble reader, each and every one of you is surely going to be resurrected after his death, and questioned and taken into account for his actions in the life of this world. Amongst the issues that a servant would be questioned about, is his family and children, how did he look after and raise them. Concerning this, the Messenger- صلى الله عليه و سام -said: “A man is a care taker of his household and will be questioned about them. A woman is also a caretaker in her husband’s household and will be questioned about that.”

The topic of upbringing and raising children is an extensive one, so I will limit this essay to raising daughters specifically, due to their great importance and wide ranging effect in society - in manners and behavior. For indeed when a girl grows up, she becomes a wife, a mother, a teacher as well other responsibilities that await her in life. If she is rectified, a lot of other affairs would be rectified as a direct consequence, and if the she is ruined, a lot of affairs would also be ruined.

The following concise essay will revolve around the following points:

The virtues of Having girls and the falsity of pre-Islaamic ways.


Being Kind to Daughters – Methods and Examples.

Being Generous, kind and merciful to them.


Being just between them and their siblings whether they are boys and girls.

Bringing them up Islaamicaly and getting them accustomed to this while they are young.


Teaching and preparing them for a married life.

Being keen on marrying them to men of good religion and character.


Visiting them and enjoining ties with them after they are married.

Methods of protecting them from the dangers of present day society.




The virtues of Having Girls and the Falsity of Pre-Islaamic Discrimination.

If we look at the Book of Allaah the Glorified, we find that He strongly rebukes pre-Islaamic ways; that a man is displeased when he is given the glad tidings of a daughter, his face darkens while he is katheem, he feels shy amongst his people so he avoids them out of embarrassment. He contemplates whether he is going to bury her or leave her upon hawn. Allaah strongly criticized them from this practice.

There are, however, remnants of these pre-Islaamic ways that still live in the hearts of some men, especially if a man’s wife keeps giving birth to girls. Even though a woman is just like the earth in this case, in that it grows whatever the farmer plants in it, with some men, it has reached the point where he would divorce his wife after she gives birth – we seek refuge with Allaah from such ignorance and cold heartedness.

During the pre-Islaamic era, women had no status at all, a man would bury his daughter and yet raise his dog and feed his farm animals. Allaah falsified this lowly ideology and raised the status of the woman to its natural level, a level that suits her and enables her to carry out her duties, obligations and rights. He addressed the woman in the same way He addressed the man in obligations and prohibitions, and He specified the woman with some rulings that concern only her, rulings which suit her natural state.

Having children is something that is predestined, it is in Allaah’s Hands, He blesses whom he wills with girls and blesses whom he wills with boys. He blesses others with both boys and girls and tests others with neither. Allaah the Elevated states:
{To Allaah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is All-Knower and is Able to do all things.} [Ash Shooraa: 49-50]


Contemplate over how he mentioned girls first before boys; this is an admonishment to those who belittle the status of women and consider them to be insignificant.


So be pleased with whatever Allaah has decreed for you do not know where the goodness lies! How many fathers were contented by the tidings of a boy, who later only became a calamity for him, a cause for the decrease of his wealth and a continuous source of worry and misery for him. And how many a father was discontented by the news of a daughter while he was anticipating a son, and this girl became not only a helping hand, but a merciful heart and continuous source of support throughout his life. From here we understand that contentment, in reality, is not due to having a boy or a girl, it is only realized if the child is righteous, whether it is male or female. Allaah the Elevated said in describing the servants of al Rahmaan:
{And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous. } [Al Furqaan: 74]